Happy Birthday to me

I’m sending this card to myself in advance. Birthdays give me the willies. They are too full of evaluation. Here’s some love instead

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday. © Laura Eades all rights reserved.

I’m usually a bit emotionally sensitive on my birthday. I think my “nobody loves me everybody hates me think I’ll eat some worms” victimmy side gets really exercised, and I get worried I won’t be loved, or need to improve myself to deserve any. So I’m sending myself this card in advance (I’m cueing up this blogpost a whole month early!), to tell myself, that I love me.

Love from me to me. What’s that, in real terms? 

I’m not actually sure what ‘loving yourself’ means. But I know, with each passing year, the things that make me happy. And I deliberately do more of them.

I know how to take care of myself. Like, the food that makes me feel full of energy and really spoiled. Like, how good I feel after a yoga class, so I take myself there often. Like, how great the air and the outdoors feel. So doing those things, that could be loving myself, in a sense.

I know the things I like to do. Like, the smile on my face after Skyping my friends. Like, the pleasure of a couple of hours with a good book. Like, a really long lazy session in the gym. Like, playing ping-pong with my husband (I don’t know why. It just is that way).

I accept my imperfections today. Not, I’m content with them – no way, they drive me nuts. But, I accept that they are part of me being me, and make my journey through life what it is. I accept the challenge of them.

Easy to use milestones to count up how much you’ve achieved

I know that I set myself a novelling challenge – to complete a draft by today. So hopefully I won’t be spending today leaving my coat on the u-bahn to pay the penalty for failure. Hopefully I will have roundly celebrated my accomplishment at the weekend. But, whether I’m proud or humbled by my attempts, I hope I know more than in previous years that I’m not the sum total of my productivity.

I’m my whole life. I’m the halfway meeting-point between me and my loved ones. I hope that I reach out in my relationships today, find ways to give love and not just sit at home waiting for it. Count my blessings, celebrate my good fortune.

Thank you

I’m grateful for my life. For another year. For all there is to see and do and see and be. For the funny inspiring people around me. For my pilgrimage, with all its challenges. Happy Birthday, me.