Gadget gifts to say ‘Thankyou for having my baby’

When did getting diamonds as a ‘thanks for having my child’ become a convention? Here are three alternatives

Thank someone for having your baby

Welcome to the world, Baby. Laura Eades 2014

My friend asked for an emerald upon the birth of her daughter as a ‘thank you’ from her partner. Fair enough.

But I felt I’d done pretty well, being greeted on my return from hospital by some lovely nightwear.

Plus, there was a special deal at work, so I bought myself an iPad with some money my dear mum gave us. Best decision ever. (And thank you, Mum).

‘Nesting’ is really just another word for online shopping

Do you have a geek in your relationship? Then the choice of technology might already be exciting you or your partner.

Which buggy? (Are you gripped by an irrationally spoilt need for the banana-emblazoned Andy Warhol Bugabu edition pram? Or are you frugally doing as I did and searching your local second-hand forum, until you pretty much have a different buggy for every different day/weather/terrain/activity? – the front hall was pretty hectic there for a while).

Or: Which breastpump? Have you invested in a calculator to add up all the fragments of sleep into some kind of unit? And have you got some large headphones so the theme music from The Killing box set doesn’t tense up your baby while you veg out breastfeeding in the middle of the night?

Here are three gadget gifts that, in my humble opinion, are really worth giving or requesting

  1. An iPad

This technology was made for breastfeeding women to search the internet. And while it might not be easy to type (though you can tap out a few lines of an email, text-style), I’ve used mine to draw (Brushes app), make animations (AnimationDesk app), and voice-dictate (Dragon Dictation app), all with a baby on the boob.

Not to mention iPlayer for all your digital radio needs, WordPress, Simple Diary, Facebook, iBooks, Twitter, or watching TED talks on YouTube.

*Hint: setting up an iPad, getting it all syched up with your computer and iTunes accounts and wotnot, is a good thing to nail before the baby arrives.

2. A Black and Decker handhoover

Quite a senior choice, you are thinking? Well, get this: the handhoover might have been designed to clean out your car’s door compartments, but it’s really good when weaning and couscous combine in one perfect moment, like a hadron collider hitting your kitchen.

Plus it’s a great way to cheat with housework, spending 2 minutes making the area round the toaster and the bit under your feet near the breadboard look decent when you don’t have 12 minutes to do a thorough job.

And my toddler loves it. So when she drops her branflakes on the floor (she likes them without milk), instead of getting cross with her, I let her hoover them up and everyone’s happy.

Actually, everyone in our family loves it. It’s more like a toy than a tool. Even guests who come over are invited to get involved with a bit of handhoovering. You must come over sometime! Oh, the fun we have.

3. Pelvic floor beads from Coco de Mer

I guess if these ‘love eggs’ just got laid on my breakfast table, I could take it the wrong way.

But I see it as the perfect accompaniment to the handhoover gift, to express your wild side and invest in the dual belief that a) you will have a love life after your baby, even if ‘seduction’ is replaced by ‘Quick! it’s a moment where all the children are asleep as rare as a solar eclipse!’; and b) the confidence that the female half of the couple will be able to one day go on a trampoline again without wetting herself. Just to give a completely, you know, random example.

I’ll write a bit about pelvic floor one day when I’ve got some more solutions. I mean, the day I went jogging and my tampax fell out was bit of a low.

I’m working on it, as they say (German health insurance pays for your pelvic floor classes, neat, hunh?). I have yet to try this gadget, and reviews of sex toys are a little beyond the remit of this blog I think. But (attention: link to a sex toy web page coming up, in case you’re reading this at work…) these ‘love eggs’ seem to be a pretty smooth place to start.

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